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Frequently Asked Questions

Question: My dad is very strong and in charge, but he’s not a talker. He wanted all three kids to get college degrees, and two of us did. We all have questions we’d like to ask. Will reading UnderstandingDad help me approach him without offending him?

Answer: Yes, it will help you, but does not guarantee that he will not be offended. Use sensitivity, timing, and your own knowledge of how and when you can get positive responses from your dad. Sometimes the best approach, with a dad like you describe, is to ask only one or two questions during normal conversation. This way he does not feel that you have an agenda or goal to complete. When asking, don’t write while he responds because he may clam up or become irritated. Of course taping and transcribing latter is a great alternative. Or at your first opportunity, go write his responses down as best you can. This is one of those situations where you do the best you can with what you’ve got.

Question: I’ve been estranged from my dad for 15 years. We’re both stubborn and have short fuses. Recently he’s indicated that he’d like to be closer to my family and me. How would your book help?

Answer: There is no relationship without communication of some sort, and the best way to get communication going is through the art of questioning, especially if the questions are about the person being asked. Initially, look for the least intrusive questions and slowly work up to the more thoughtful ones. Thus, feel free to skip around the journal and go with the easy questions first. Asking about his favorite color is less stressful than asking why he got divorced!

Question: My dad recently died after a long illness. I sure wish I’d had the book before he passed.

Answer: It may be late for you, but UnderstandingDad makes a wonderful gift. How about giving it to close friends or relatives who might enjoy the idea of understanding their dad better? Many men and women may need nothing more than the nudge this book gives to begin their own journalistic adventures!
Also, if your dad has passed, why not ask your mom or other close relatives and friends of your dad to help you fill in the blanks? This could be quite revealing and yet maintains the spirit of the journal.

Question: My dad is almost completely deaf, but is very savvy. He communicates fairly well when he wears his hearing aids, but he hates using them. How can I use UnderstandingDad to get through to him and learn more about him?

Answer: Ask him lovingly if he would put his hearing aid(s) in for just a short while because you have something important to ask him. Again, go with the flow. For some dads, two or three questions per session are plenty, while others can handle 10 or 12. This is not a school project with a deadline, be sensitive to dad’s needs.

Question: My father is very religious, and it’s always been a source of contention between us. How will your UnderstandingDad help me get closer without having religion shoved down my throat?

Answer: The intent of this journal is to learn about your dad, and to hopefully better connect with him. If your father incorporates religion into every conversation, it may be tough to avoid the topic. However, religion is part of what makes your dad who he is. Try questions that will evoke a simple response. For example, what is your favorite movie or type of food? In essence, try to run with some of the responses that are less religious oriented--like a favorite movie, food, concert, or stage performance. Talk about what he likes about his favorite restaurant, concert, or a memorable event where they served his favorite dessert. You might mention your favorite restaurant and see if he is curious to know more about it. Completing this journal can have its challenges and opportunities. Psych yourself in advance, remembering that this process is less about you and more about your dad, regardless of his habits and preferences.

Question: How much does UnderstandingDad cost? Can I send you a check? How long will it take to get to me?

Answer: A single book costs US $15.95, and if you order three or more, the books are US $13.95 each. Shipping and Handling: US $3.00 for the first book and US $2.00 for each additional book. UnderstandingDad.com will pay all sales taxes. You may buy the book(s) on this site using PayPal, or you may send a check or money order in U.S. funds made payable to:

Norman Lieberman
PMB 124
25422 Trabuco Road #105
Lake Forest, CA 92630-2797

Question: I work for a non-profit organization and your book would fit nicely into our library. We may like to buy a number of them to give to others. Do you have special rates for buying in bulk?

Answer: Absolutely. In fact, we can make arrangements with non-profits and corporations to print a separate page in the journal, acknowledging the firm as a sponsor of UnderstandingDad. Contact me at Norman@understandingdad.com for details.

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